My Pregnancy/Miscarriage Story

Hi, I'm Victoria. I'm 23, I've been married for 3 1/2 WONDERFUL years to a man I just can't stop kissing, I have a nice house and a dog that melts my heart. My mom is my best friend among a few other girls that life wouldn't be the same without. All of this sounds great doesn't it? It is. But amid getting everything my heart has ever desired (pretty much) there is one thing I can't seem to get to....Motherhood. My husband and I decided to start a family September 2008. I just knew the first time we tried it would happen. I mean you go your whole life with people pounding in to your head to make sure you never forget your birth control and make sure you use condoms otherwise....DUN DUN DUN!!!...you'll get knocked up! So that first month trying I thought I was pregnant the moment we finished making love. I spent the next two weeks floating on a cloud, rubbing my flat belly, swearing that I was hungrier than usual. Then Aunt Flow came to town. I was so confused. Didn't she get the memo??? I hadn't used a condom!!! She was suppose to "Ready, Aim, Fire" a baby right into my uterus the moment I even thought about neglecting that little piece of rubber protection!! Oh well everyone gets forgetful sometimes she'll get it right next month for sure. Nope. What is wrong with this lady. I think there might need to be some layoffs in the conception department.
So fast forward a couple more months. One of my best friends, we'll call her Claire, decides she's going to start trying for a baby as well. I was excited and a little flustered. It would be so exciting to have a preggo buddy but it wouldn't be so fun to be in a race to getting pregnant, which is what it felt like. How does it make me look as a woman if she proves it's really not that difficult to create life and gets it on the first try? Well she didn't get it on the first try but she also wasn't as desperate as I was because after all she already had 3 year old. So a month goes by and another of our best friends decides she's going to start trying for a baby. We'll call her Ally. Ally has a 2 year old little boy and is the oldest one in our close circle. Our fourth friend....we'll call her Amanda....has decided she's far from ready to start trying for babies....thank you *I breathe a sigh of relief*. So three of us are trying for babies now. It's November and Claire is starting to get restless. Ally is still in good spirits and I'm irritated at Claire for being restless....doesn't she know I've been trying longer...get over it! Well February rolls around coincidentally Claire, Ally and I all share a birthday within days of each other...we plan a triple birthday party and all hope for the best bday gift we could ask for. It was a bittersweet birthday since that same month we were all moving away from each other. Claire to Virginia, Ally to Indiana, and me to California. It was Claire who got her birthday wish and found out she was pregnant a week or two after our birthdays. I was heartbroken. However two months later we found out I was pregnant on April 7th. That was the most exciting and thrilling day of my life. It was also the scariest since I kept having fleeting visions of where that present of mine was going to be delivered from...yikes! Ally soon followed and got a positive test in June. There we were all happy and pregnant. Excited that our children were going to be so close in age. Well due to an overwhelming amount of pregnant people in my area I was told I couldn't be seen until I was 14.5 weeks along which put me at my first prenatal appointment a week after Ally's first. Ally had her ultrasound on a Thursday. She called Claire and I to tell us the doctors couldn't find a baby. She was diagnosed with having a blighted ovum (empty egg). She had a D&C. I was so sad for her. This made me so scared for my first appointment. What if something had gone wrong?? Well the day arrived and my husband got off work early to go with me. He wanted to hear the heartbeat with me. We got to the doctors office. They gave me a pap smear (my first...ouch!) and then used the Doppler to try and locate a heartbeat. A min passed and the nurse looked hopeful. "Sometimes it's hard to find" she reassured us. A few more minutes passed and she started frowning. She decided to try the ultrasound machine. She looked. I saw what she saw...a small dot in my uterus. Much to small to be my almost 15 week old baby. It wasn't moving and there was no heartbeat. Tears started falling. I tried not to cry. Maybe it was a mistake? She left the room and got a doctor. They both stared at the screen and then the doctor said what I had been dreading. "It doesn't look like this pregnancy is progressing" To say that my heart was broken would be an understatement. My whole world was broken. Everyone except my husband left the room. I sobbed and he held me tight. He kept telling me it wasn't my fault. That we would try again. I didn't know if I could ever stop crying. But after what seemed like hours I pulled myself together. Got dressed. Put on my sunglasses. The nurse came back in, asked if I wanted a D&C, pills that would make me contract, or if I wanted to wait it out at home. I couldn't answer. I walked out of the hospital. We drove home in silence...except for a few sniffles that escaped me. We got back to our apartment. He went outside to call work and let them know he wouldn't be back in for the rest of the day. I called my mom. She was in the car with my grandma. She answered so excitedly. "How did it go?!?" I couldn't answer her. I began sobbing again. She knew something was wrong. I choked out "There's no Bean". "Bean" is what we had been calling the baby since we found out we were pregnant. She asked "what do you mean?" "There's no heartbeat, and there's no Bean" She kept telling me she was so sorry. I called Claire and told her. She canceled her 4d ultrasound. She said she didn't feel right doing it at the moment with what happened to Ally and I. I called Ally. We both cried together. Ally got the D&C right after she found out she was no longer pregnant. She waited the 6 weeks to have intercourse as prescribed by the doctor and the very next month after called to tell me she was expecting again. I chose to wait it out naturally. It took three months before I physically miscarried. It happened on September 9th a full year since we had begun trying. I had started having REALLY bad cramps early that morning. They lasted all day and got progressively worse. I had never felt anything like them. Even though I was in pain, every 3 minutes might I had, I decided to go with hubby to Wal-Mart to pick up food for our dog. I walked down one isle and the pain became so intense that I crouched down to the floor. I clutched my stomach and felt something pass into my pants. I waddled to the bathroom still in pain from the "cramps". In the bathroom I passed the "sac". The pain and the amount of bleeding made it impossible for me to speak or to stand up. I was in the bathroom for a half hour when a lady came in and asked if there was a Victoria in there. I whispered "yes". My hubby had been looking for me. I managed to clean up as much as possible and left the bathroom. I told him I needed to go to the hospital, the bleeding was too much. We jumped in the car and started driving straight to the ER. On the way the pain became so intense I was crying and screaming. I felt like I had to push. I did and birthed our very small baby, although I didn't know it at the time because I still had my pants on. When we arrived at the hospital my husband ran to get a wheelchair since I was finding it difficult to walk. I tried to stand up to get out of the car and got another really bad contraction. At this point I figured out that the pain wasn't cramps...that it was contractions. As I stood up another contraction came and I felt the urge to push again. I birthed the placenta and umbilical cord. We sat in the waiting room for 6 hours. I kept bleeding but slowly the contractions started going away and eventually the pain was gone. I was taken into a room, given an internal exam. The nurse said my cervix was closing. She did an ultrasound and said it looked like I had passed everything. She examined the contents in my sweatpants and verified that it was the "products of conception" aka the baby, umbilical cord and placenta. I only looked at the placenta. Gross. Hubby looked at everything. He said "Bean" looked like a little frog. Cute. The nurse told us there was no reason we couldn't begin trying right away for a baby. I decided to wait for one normal period. I got it in October. We began trying again right after. My other best friend Amanda, remember her? She was the friend who didn't want kids at the time I had started trying. Well she called me in October to tell me she had begun trying to have a baby, a week later she called to tell me she had taken a test and was indeed pregnant and was excited that it had only taken one try! My friend here in California, we'll call her Janie, who has a baby girl told me she was going to start trying for a baby that October as well. Great. She announced she was 4 weeks along the very next month. So that brings us to the present. It's January 2010. Claire has since had her baby, it was another girl. Ally is 24 weeks. Amanda is 17 weeks today and Janie will be 13 weeks this Tuesday. As for me I'm just finishing up a period. On to another month. Yes sometimes I get bitter. How can I not? But in the end all that matters is that hubby and I create something so special that the journey it took to get there, no matter how long or how difficult will be totally worth it.